Well well, here we are

I always think to myself, "No one in this world knows me like I do, not even my husband, no one hears the thoughts that are in my head or how I feel all the time...Sometimes I don't even know me."

Does that sound crazy?  No, I don't think so.

It has been almost 10 years since I developed Bulimia, I remember living with my roommate and asking her if she knew what was going on...She said "I know exactly what is going on!" From then on in, I was going to hide it better and be better at it.  This illness stopped following me when I got pregnant with my daughter, thank god, I beat it or it was cured...No it wasn't, it came back, It came back a year before I lost my job, why? I have no idea...But I finally admitted it to my Husband about 2 years ago.  Broke down and admitted it, see when you have an illness like this, no one understands and thinks you can just stop or turn it off, you can't, they call it an illness for a reason.

I remember the first time that I had a bulimic episode, I was about 21 years old, I joined a gym, I worked out for the first time in my life, then my roommatte thought it would be a great idea to go the the Beautiful Province and eat a poutine...I felt so guilty that I made myself sick, easy! I was losing weight and everyone told me how great I looked.  Thinking that it was the gym, I knew the real secret.  How easy, what a fix. Laxatives where my best friend!

Now since having my son, I have been working really hard with myself. No binging and healthy living! It is really hard sometimes but I am really trying to beat these demons. I think to myself, I am not doing this for my kids, I am doing this for me, this is a part of my life that I need to conquor!

This is me! We all need help sometimes, we need to rely on the ones we love for emotional support, that is why they love us and we love them, isn't it?