To be brutally honest

I have received a few emails in regards to my first Blog, it really shows that we are not alone, we are not the only people in the world that suffer from eating disorders. It is amazing how many people you know have this illness, it may be someone you are really close to and you could have no idea, what causes this?

Today is the 10 year anniversary of the death of my Beloved Grandfather.  This human being brought so much joy, love and spirit to this world, which makes me think, 10 years....Wow, that is how long I have been sick for...Coincidence?  Who really knows, I can't even answer that question.

I remember seeing family photos of me and my 2 brothers right after I got out of the hospital for a throat infection when I was about 20, this was a really difficult part of my life to begin with.  I couldn't find a serious relationship, I didn't like myself much and I notice I looked really chubby and just overall unattractive, since then I pinch the fat on my stomach and arms, the fat that surrounds my muscles really makes me queasy.

I sometimes think, maybe watching my own mother struggle with weight her entire life has made me this way, which makes me very mindful about what I say or do in front of my own daughter, I remember when I first came out to my husband, I was going to the gym all the time, which can be another form of bulimia, my daughter was going to the basement and pulling out the yoga mat to do her "exercises", this made me feel guilty, I know that exercising is normal and encouraged, but am I the reason she was worrying about weight?  You can't help but think these thoughts. Is bulimia hereditary? I am starting to think that many mental illnesses are linked to our parents and our parents parents. Where do you think your mental health issues stem from?