Starting to live, the road from #Depression

The last time I wrote was when I started taking Cymbalta.  Been there, done that. I have been medication free since July.  I have suffered from depression since my teen years, this summer I said enough, I am taking my life back!

I started the weening process in July, what I thought would be a tough go turned out to be the worst point of my life.  Vomiting, brain zaps, dizzy spells and phobia's, the most terrifying experience of my life!  I even missed my sons 4th Birthday.  I needed something anything to grab onto. I couldn't leave my house. I experienced chest pains and stomach issues, loss of appetite and extreme weight loss, what was happening to me? I had been on many different medications, Zoloft, Prozac, Celexa, Effexor, Wellbutrin, the list goes on.  Nothing came close to the withdrawals I experienced coming off of Cymbalta. I was hallucinating daily, mostly spiders, from thousands of little ones to a very large one hanging over my bed.  Many nights I woke up in a panic.
After talking with my Doctor, who has been very supportive, we decided I should get my buns in gear and finally get into Therapy!  She provided me with a list of Doctors, called a couple, one called me back really quickly.  I was excited to start my journey, at the same time, I thought that she may call in the white coats to take me away.  Which at the time, I was close to committing my self, I remember thinking and saying many times, "I can't take this anymore, I am close to committing myself".
The therapist I went to specialized in Cognitive Behaviour therapy.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_behavioral_therapy

There are 10 forms of Cognitive Distortions

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_distortion

I had to make a list of positive and negative, it was harder to find the positive than to find the negative.

My positives: Caring, generous, loyal, hilarious and smart
My Negatives: Negative, Weak, Lazy, I always think I am sick and/or dying, self critical and fat. The list goes on.

This was all from my first experience with therapy, there was a light at the end of this very dark tunnel.
The one thing I carried from my first session, that brought me down on so many occasions was that I have very high expectations for myself and others, imagine trying to meet such high expectations everyday and failing, which to me brought me down even deeper, then to not have the strength to even try anymore.  It becomes easier to live life when you lower those expectations.  To not beat yourself up everyday.

LOWER YOUR EXPECTATIONS for yourself and your loved ones.  First step. Talk to your Doctor, seek help.

Depending on how much I can reach out to others and help them, I will give you more tools to help you begin your journey, even if it is an ear to listen.  Take control and start living!