I am not afraid

It has been a long time since I have blogged anything but something has been weighing on me for awhile.
I had my 3rd child in February of last year and like many people out there I suffered post partum depression, not to the point that I couldn't look at my child but I was at the point that I didn't want to look at anyone else, my baby was my best friend, I told him my problems and he made me smile.
I went to see my Dr and was prescribed something that I was taking before to help me with my binge eating and depression, it helped at first but then I was on what seemed like a ride through or to hell, not sure which is worse. So as time passed I came off of them, and I was hoping that maybe it was doing the reverse because I was healing, my hormones were returning back to normal, I coped....
I was wrong, who knew that a new house, 3 healthy children, a loving, smart, funny, supportive husband and everything any girl could dream of would make me feel like I was empty inside and so tired, I have 3 kids, I get that, but to not want to get out of bed is a different story.
I guess the best thing is that I know I need to deal with it and I am not in denial and I am not afraid of the outside world and what they think of me, what I am afraid of is that this feeling doesn't go away and that I drown.
I am a fighter and I have fought my way from the bottom, so I am not afraid.
I have a great support system, I couldn't ask for anything or anyone better than my husband, but I feel guilt that my children have to see me through this.
All I can say is if you feel or have felt like this, it is ok, you aren't the only one and you need to speak to the people that love you, don't be afraid.
The ones that are afraid, don't speak up and don't get the chance to fight and sometimes....Well sometimes they can't get out...
I want to start documenting my journey, maybe to help you or others, to tell you that I have been to the other side, I know that there is a better way of living, I just need to find my way.
I see my Doctor Monday, that is my light, I know that I am on the right path, getting there is the first step.

I am not afraid