My love for Muhney

I am not a professional writer and I will never claim to be one, this is me telling you how I see it, my opinion at best.

It has been approximately 80 days since Michael Muhney informed the world that he was let go from The Young and the Restless, approximately 35 days since we have seen his powerful portrayal of Adam Newman, which means it has been about 80 days that Muhney fans or #TeamMuhney have been attacked and have been on the defence.
I have been called a pervert and a whore to say the least, a mother of 3 who battles Depression, Anxiety and has also overcome a powerful eating disorder, many others have faced these diseases and still struggle with them on a daily basis.
These attacks are to people you don't know, people that live similar or very different lives than you do, we are all human, we all make mistakes, it is whether you learn from those mistakes that separates yourself from the ones that don't.  I have been angry and said some things, I have been sad and said some things, the truth is this is some sort of grieving process, we lost someone that we saw everyday, someone that came into our homes and let us escape our everyday problems, a moment in time you got to just let go and be a part of the Young and the Restless, 5 days a week, all year long for over 40 years.
During the past 6 years I have gone through a personal hell on earth, Michael was such an inspiration, what he did with his character changed daytime forever, like some of the other talent that has come and gone from our beloved show and many of the cast that are still there today. The gift of acting doesn't come easy to some but Michael proved he was given a special gift and he let us catch a glimpse! We are lucky to have witnessed all or most of it.
I know for me, this is a major part of why I stand behind him, I said it this morning, I stand with Michael because no one should stand alone.  While your entire world unravels and people say things, hurtful words and spew venom, things that can damage everything you ever thought about yourself, to damage a reputation is one thing, but to damage who someone is on the inside is another.  No one really knows the truth but the 2 people involved, no one else, whether you claim to or not, you don't know!  You know what?  I have a "source" but I don't even think my "source" really truly understands what happened, it is easy to say you know when the other person isn't there to defend themselves..trust me I know, I have been through a similar situation, the lies and rumours that follow when someone is let go is unimaginable.  People who have claimed to be your family away from home, quickly change their tune, why?  Because they want to keep their job and/or are easily influenced by others.  Unless you work very close to someone on a daily basis, you really don't have much say in what really happened.  We don't know the back stage politics but we have seen and heard that cliques are everywhere.  One thing I do know is Michael wasn't there to defend himself.
Before you release your opinion into this world, remember who your audience is, expect that there will be backlash, expect opinions, love and hate.  The thing is, I don't think us fans have gotten the same respect.  A simple statement, a quiet cast or an understanding of the great loss we experienced when Michael was let go.  Instead we saw a circus of fans against cast and cast against fans, a simple "I understand you are upset, we all are" would have been acceptable, the flames would have gone out.  Then we saw that someone leaked a very personal story to a certain Gossip team.  To stop the "attacks" against cast and show,  we all thought long and hard after that "piece" was released.  What it was meant to do, backfired, made those flames uncontrollable.  People either a fan of Mr Muhney, a part of #TeamMuhney or a fan of YR had or has an opinion, that will never change, but to be harassed on a daily basis is gross at least.  We need to respect the opinions of others and there is a healthy way to debate but from what I have seen, it is apparent that some won't back down.
All you can do is try to be a better you, try to have your voice heard in a respectable manner and continue to love and have passion for what you do and believe in.
If you make a mistake, be the better person and own up and if you are the other, be an even bigger person and forgive!

I stand up for Michael Muhney, no one stands alone.

Starting to live, the road from #Depression

The last time I wrote was when I started taking Cymbalta.  Been there, done that. I have been medication free since July.  I have suffered from depression since my teen years, this summer I said enough, I am taking my life back!

I started the weening process in July, what I thought would be a tough go turned out to be the worst point of my life.  Vomiting, brain zaps, dizzy spells and phobia's, the most terrifying experience of my life!  I even missed my sons 4th Birthday.  I needed something anything to grab onto. I couldn't leave my house. I experienced chest pains and stomach issues, loss of appetite and extreme weight loss, what was happening to me? I had been on many different medications, Zoloft, Prozac, Celexa, Effexor, Wellbutrin, the list goes on.  Nothing came close to the withdrawals I experienced coming off of Cymbalta. I was hallucinating daily, mostly spiders, from thousands of little ones to a very large one hanging over my bed.  Many nights I woke up in a panic.
After talking with my Doctor, who has been very supportive, we decided I should get my buns in gear and finally get into Therapy!  She provided me with a list of Doctors, called a couple, one called me back really quickly.  I was excited to start my journey, at the same time, I thought that she may call in the white coats to take me away.  Which at the time, I was close to committing my self, I remember thinking and saying many times, "I can't take this anymore, I am close to committing myself".
The therapist I went to specialized in Cognitive Behaviour therapy.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_behavioral_therapy

There are 10 forms of Cognitive Distortions

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_distortion

I had to make a list of positive and negative, it was harder to find the positive than to find the negative.

My positives: Caring, generous, loyal, hilarious and smart
My Negatives: Negative, Weak, Lazy, I always think I am sick and/or dying, self critical and fat. The list goes on.

This was all from my first experience with therapy, there was a light at the end of this very dark tunnel.
The one thing I carried from my first session, that brought me down on so many occasions was that I have very high expectations for myself and others, imagine trying to meet such high expectations everyday and failing, which to me brought me down even deeper, then to not have the strength to even try anymore.  It becomes easier to live life when you lower those expectations.  To not beat yourself up everyday.

LOWER YOUR EXPECTATIONS for yourself and your loved ones.  First step. Talk to your Doctor, seek help.

Depending on how much I can reach out to others and help them, I will give you more tools to help you begin your journey, even if it is an ear to listen.  Take control and start living!