I sit here thinking about all the positive changes being made in my life, which leads me to think of all the negative.When I was younger I remember thinking that I was a failure at school, I was always in trouble, could never think straight and the voice in my head would distract me. I would always look for a way to create some sort of talk or attention towards me, whether it was a training bra in grade 3 or a tank top in a school that had a uniform. I was always trying to get some sort of kick. I wanted people to talk about me and tell me that I looked good, because I never felt good inside, I felt like a failure.
Since reading a book recommended by an old High school acquaintance, I felt positive, I felt like this could be it, this could be what I have been looking for. When you struggle like I do, you always think will it ever stop, will the voice in my head ever be satisfied, the Ego is mighty! It feeds off of you!
So I started my venture, I was going to be vegan, or try it, as soon as I read this book and tried it, I felt a weight removed from around my neck and off my shoulders, like a broom carrying buckets of water traipsed along my shoulder blades. Everyday I have been feeling stronger, I walk by trees and feel overwhelmed with happiness. It is weird actually.
I then decided to read Unbearable Lightness, by Portia De Rossi. After seeing her on Ellen and feeling her pain and seeing how much we had in common, even though we live such crazy different lives, I too felt average in school and hated it, I too had a voice in my head, the difference being that hers was a male voice and mine was me, was it younger dumb Jenne or Smarter wise Jenne, always trying to be better and I made myself so miserable. Not until recently did I come out as a sufferer from an eating disorder but I as well have just started self treatment.
